Saturday, March 31, 2012

Jessie's First Triathlon

On Saturday March 31st, Jessie ran her first Triathlon in American Fork. Me and Ty Ty went to go cheer her on and watch her race. It was really hard to pick her out of all the swimmers but we saw her run and bike. She did awesome! Ty got a little bored waiting so he dumped his water bottle all over him and the stroller to play in the water. It was fun and inspiring to watch. And just because a post isn't complete without a picture of Levi.... here he is!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Jessie's Luau

Devin looks quite tall and manly in this picture, mostly because he is surrounded by women.

My mom flew up for Jessie's Luau on March 27, 2012, the same Luau that Devin participated in for 2 years. It was fun to see it but the best part of all was how AMAZING the boys did during the 2 hour show that ended at 9:30 pm!!! I was totally shocked! Ty sat in the double stroller just watching (I know, shocking) for the first HOUR and then he played on the iPod for the last hour, staying in the stroller the entire time!! Levi fell asleep shortly into it and slept the entire time. Both him and Ty did get scared at the beginning when these Tahitian guy dancers came out running, really loud and crazy! Ty clung onto me and I could hear his little heart beating really fast- it was funny. Jessie was in the Hawaiian section and did great! I felt kind of dumb, my big stroller was in the way for part of the dance where they danced in the aisle-way, oops! I didn't care that much because my boys were being so well-behaved which was a first!! haha, jk. It was fun to have my mom here and the boys were very spoiled!!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

More boys

A bath is probably a good idea, wouldn't you think??
I'm such a good mom! Both of my boys love cheetoes......already....sheesh.

The weather has been soooo nice these past few days and I'm working so much less now so we go to the park by our house frequently. I love being outdoors, watching Ty play and not feeling rushed and just enjoying time with these kiddos. I'm starting to feel like my baby isn't as much a baby anymore- he's trying to turn into a little toddler by wanting to walk and eating big people food. Everyone told me the first year is the hardest when you have two so close together and I'd definitely say it's true. But I'd emphasize that the first six months are the very, very hardest and then it just keeps getting easier and easier after that, each month. I enjoy these two so much and am glad they came when they did. If I had done it like I planned in my head, I'd probably be pregnant right now and preparing for a newborn- that thought just makes me want to laugh and dance and sing and shout for joy that that's not happening right now!! haha, not really but you know what I mean. :) Heavenly Father sends these little spirits when he knows is best and it always works out how it should. I need to put more trust in that in all aspects of life. :)
Levi's tongue has always been one of my favorite things about him. It's kinda long and pointy, just like TJ's. He's always sticking it out and it's so tiny and cute to me! Ty has my short, fat tongue and TJ's big eyebrows- poor kid.
Ty especially watches over Levi when there are other kids around. He loves on him more and pats his head a lot. Ty also is so used to me taking pictures that he purposely doesn't look anymore when I get the camera out and make noises- ugh!! Makes it so hard to get a good picture and he's the older one for crying out loud! Levi looks right at me every time and it doesn't take much for him to smile big and cheesy.
I'm always amazed at how boys are such little boys from the very start! A baby can sit down at a car like this and automatically want to grab the steering wheel and try to act like they are driving it! I love it!
Gross, I know, that Levi doesn't have any shoes or socks on...I'm sure those toys are sooo dirty being at the mall and all! haha, oh well! Build up your immunities, boys!

Also, everyday I am amazed that I have a little blonde boy! I look at Levi and still can't believe it! Makes me wonder if it'll darken over the years.... time will tell!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

So Difficult

So difficult to get just one good picture. Here one is at least not crying and one is in the middle of whining but looks almost like a half smile- best I could do. Crazy kids! :)
Ty is starting to really like Levi- it's soooo cute to watch them laugh at each other and interact with each other. Ty is always rubbing Levi's head like a puppy because that's how he's shows he's being "soft" to baby. So many times throughout the day he'll walk by and rub his head like that. So funny. He also will give him his bottle any time he sees it.
Ty- 22 months
Levi- 8 months

Nice cheesy grin.....good thing moms love their kids no matter what.... jk :)
New matching new church suits- Handsome boys!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

My thoughts on being a Working Mom

Okay here are some points that have helped me:

- PERSPECTIVE: I remember that day when I had to go back to work after
having Ty. I could not control my emotions. I am not a crier but the
night before and the morning of I couldn't stop SOBBING! I was shocked
by it, I didn't expect such strong emotions or realize it'd be as hard
as it was. I asked TJ for a priesthood blessing the night before which
helped but the biggest thing that helped was when I got to work that
August morning, this happened: a nurse I worked with had her husband
upstairs for a relatively minor operation and he was scheduled to go
home today. Right before her shift ended (she worked nights and I was
day shift so around 5:30 am) she heard a "code blue" overhead on the
loud speaker and recognized the room number to be the same one of her
husbands'. He ended up dying shortly after- they couldn't get his
heart started again. When I showed up, sobbing and crying, this had
just happened and while a bunch of other nurses were hugging me, the
news came that her husband didn't make it. That abruptly stopped all
my tears right then and there and made me feel a little foolish,
really. Here I was crying because my baby was at home with the only
other person in the entire world who loved him as much as I did, happy
and healthy and a wonderful husband who was so positive and optimistic
and cherished the chance to be with his son all day???? Suddenly logic
won out and I realized how dumb I was being and that I needed to get
over feeling sorry for myself since there are much, much, much worse
things that could be happening and that I should be showing gratitude
instead of pity. Rarely have I heard of very many husbands who could
handle my kids like TJ does and enjoy being with them, even though
it's hard work!! He was a full time stay at home dad for several
months and did amazing with them while doing laundry, cooking dinner
and grocery shopping. How could I complain about that?? Even though my
heart longed to be at home, we each were doing what we had to do to
support our family and we each learned major lessons on the role of
the man and wife in a family and the absolute truth to the Family
Proclamation. We each experienced the opposite roles and both hope to
always remember that for the rest of our lives so we can have
compassion and sympathy for each other. :)

-FAMILY: During that first year of Ty's life, trying to balance
everything while still working full time, I'd call my mom all the time
complaining, frustrated and sometimes crying. I felt like many people
didn't understand me or could relate being a working mom in utah
county :) and others would judge me for not staying home and that I
just needed to have more faith. My mom would always remind me that
faith is good but doesn't pay the bills. You get down on your knees
then get up and get to work. I had been blessed with an amazing job
and was using it to secure my family and help TJ follow the prophet's
council to obtain as much education as possible and to stay out of
debt. My mom would always say she worked for the first 6 years of my
life because she had to to put my dad through school and when they
were starting the vet clinic while making sooo much less money. She'd
always tell me I wouldn't be working full time for the next 6 years
and that this is temporary. You can do anything that is temporary for
your family, especially your kids. I really never felt like I was
working for me- I was working for TJ and Ty and then later on Levi and
that made everything much easier. I wasn't leaving them, I was
supporting them and ensuring their needs and wants were met- that's
what moms do. Ty never went to day care until 18 months old- which is
pretty good in my eyes considering how much I've worked during his
life. And even then, when the boys did have to go to day care it was
only for 4 months and they took excellent care of them and I was super
close by. I trusted them greatly and they earned my trust. If Ty had
to go to day care at the very start, I wouldn't have been able to
handle it at all. Just knowing that he was being watched by people who
LOVED him and for FREE- really, you can't ask for much more. Day care
cost us $1000 a month- that's insane that people pay that year after
year and other people raise their kids. We really are soooo lucky to
have family close by who love them and care about them that will be
around for their entire lives. Ty and TJ are still super close to this
day because of all the time they spent together- that is priceless to
me because that won't ever happen again or TJ won't ever have the
chance again or even very many times to have that 1 on 1 time with Ty
since he was the only child for such a short amount of time. Bottom
line- when family can watch my kids and enjoy it, how can I feel bad
since they are strengthening eternal bonds with them??

-PASSION: Another thing that makes it much easier is that I LOVE my
career. It's not just a job to me, it's a career. The prophets have
counseled us women to get an education, have hobbies, seek learning
the rest of our lives and be creative- not just frumpy moms who never
leave the house and their sole purpose is to pop out kids and make
lunch. Being passionate about something for myself has made all the
difference in the world. If I was just working at WalMart, I'd have
quit a looooong time ago because I am not passionate about anything at
all that has to do with WalMart. Each time I work- and it really is
very, very stressful, emotional, physically-draining work- I feel like
I'm doing something that is worthwhile and making a difference to
someone, as cliche as that sounds. The things that are the hardest are
the most worth to us and so this is something that is important to me
because I enjoy it and literally learn something new every single time
I work. I feel like I am getting paid to serve others for 12 hours
straight- which can be HARD at times, especially to do it with a smile
to people who don't appreciate your hard work. In a sense, I feel like
it's the gospel in action.

there, that's my disclaimer. I feel dumb writing a lot of this....but
whatever, you understand why.)

When I was 14 I decided to wanted to be a nurse. From that day on I
set lofty goals for myself to let nothing stop me from reaching that.
Starting my freshman year, every single week I would check to see
where my ranking was in my class since it was so competitive and I
knew the only way to achieve my goal was to get a scholarship. For 2
1/2 years straight, there were 14 of us in my class who were tied for
1st place- the very top of the class. By graduation I ended up being
#6 out of 351 graduating students in my class and reaching my goal of
being in the top ten. Because of that I got a full ride scholarship
and books paid for to Arizona State University. I had also started
taking concurrent enrollment classes and community college classes my
junior year so that when I graduated from high school I was already a
sophomore. I graduated in 3 1/2 years from nursing school with my
bachelors degree at the age of 21. The three HARDEST things in life
(so far) have been: being a mom and raising kids, my mission and then
nursing school. I'd say nursing school and my mission were tied for
how hard I worked- in different ways, of course but both were
spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally draining. I had also
paid for everything myself so when I walked across the stage to get my
diploma, it was one of the most proud days of my life. Then after
paying $600, spending hundreds of hours studying and passing my state
boards, I vowed that I would never let all this work that I had just
completed for the last 8 years go to waste and I would always keep my
license current, somehow, someway. Nursing is sooo family friendly too
so I felt like I needed to take advantage of that. I also feel it's
our safe guard- if something were to happen to TJ, I could support my
boys and we could manage financially without being a major burden on
others. I've always felt a spiritual impression that I needed to keep
my license current just in case, for my family. My ultimate goal has
been to become a PRN nurse (PRN is a medical term that means "just as
needed) which means I would only work 4 shifts in 6 weeks and be the
first to be called off if patient census is low which is PERFECT for a
stay at home mom. I can't describe how happy it's made me to go down
to part time because I'm half way to my goal of becoming PRN!!! How
can I get discouraged for working still when I am so close and already
have felt the effects of being at home soooo much more by going part
time!! My new standard shift is becoming 7 pm to 3 am, three nights a
week for part time- the boys hardly know I'm gone and wtih TJ's
scheduling changing, eventually, he'll be home by that time and we
wo't' even need baby-sitters!!! I feel like all of our hard work and
efforts and sacrifice are starting to pay off. TJ's favorite quote is
"sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven." It's so true.

-CHOOSE: My last and finally point. Everything in this life is a
choice. I've had to just CHOOSE to be happy about life and I can
honestly say, I truly am! Not every second of the day of course, but
overall in life, I couldn't be happier. I love my life- my boys, my
husband, my family- life is soooo good to get depressed or selfishly
think of how I don't want to work or be lazy. Life is going by so fast
so I feel the need to just push up my sleeves and get busy and get to
work and stop complaining. I have a long way to go but am trying to do
that and TJ is the best example of that so I try to be like him. :) He
never complains and is always serving us and going above and beyond.
He makes me want to do and be better.

okay i'm ending this novel but again, this is just how it is for me.
We are in very different circumstances so please don't take offense to
this or anything. Just know i love you and am soooo glad we're
love, Tara

PRK Surgery

Waiting for my follow up appointment at the eye doctor- me and Jess had fun putting Levi in glasses!! They had such cute baby glasses there! During the surgery they put protective lenses over the corneas and today I got those taken off.
Man, this past week has been one of sickness around here!!! I counted and realized within 1 week we've filled TWELVE prescriptions!! That's crazy and coming from a family that normally isn't on anything at all!! :) Good thing for great insurance!!
Last Monday we went to the pediatrician's because Ty was wheezing and having fevers. I wanted to make sure he didn't have pneumonia or anything but it turned out just a lower respiratory tract infection and the beginnings of an ear infection. He was put on Albuterol nebulizer treatment that Levi had 3 weeks ago. Now we own a nebulizer machine. Great.
Tuesday, I had my pre-op appointment for my PRK Lasik Surgery.
Wednesday, Levi had pink eye (I was sooo scared I was going to get it- I washed my hands like every 5 minutes!!).
Thursday, Levi had double ear infection and the respiratory virus Ty had and joined Ty with the nebulizer treatments.
Friday, I had my eye surgery- geez!!
If Levi has another ear infection April and May then we'll look into getting tubes placed. Poor baby has had one every month since the beginning of the year. He doesn't have the normal signs/symptoms of ear infections so it's always tricky to tell. The fever is the key for him.

Right after my surgery on Friday. TJ expected me to walk out with bandages or anesthesia wearing off. I was awake for the whole thing and they just put numbing eye drops in- amazing! They took this picture and gave it to me with a DVD of the surgery to watch and a bag of popcorn- haha. I doubt anyone will join me in watching it though... This is Dr. Lohner at Excel Eye Center in Provo, who did my surgery- he was awesome! I was considered high risk for all the eye problems I had but he did an excellent job and things are healing very well.
But as far as my PRK Lasik went great!!! Definitely a hard recovery but easier than I expected from what I was told from other people. PRK is similar to Lasik except with Lasik they use the laser to make a flap in your cornea and then place the flap back down. With PRK they remove that top layer of cornea completely and the body grows it back. Needless to say, recovery is much longer and the pain is worse. I had to have the PRK because of scarring on my cornea and I needed Lasik because glasses give me migraines and they wouldn't give me another year's worth of contacts. My work gave $500 off plus an 18 mo. interest free payment plan so we decided to go for it. But still, each eye was $1450! But I'm already sooo glad we did it. It'll save a lot of money in the long run plus much healthier for my eye. I've worn contacts (too many hours each day) since I was 12 years old- this procedure has changed my life and I haven't even fully felt the full benefits of it yet.
My husband was sooo wonderful and supportive for this whole thing! He took Friday off of work and for 4 days straight waited on me hand and foot while taking complete care of the boys. He put blankets up in our room and all day long, I laid in there and slept most of the day. Jessie came yesterday since he did have to work- thanks TJ and Jess!!! Also, Guy and Ruth and Linda came on Sunday and brought dinner and Ruth cleaned- it was much appreciated and even though I threw it all up, dinner was great. :) Guy and TJ also gave me a blessing which has helped tons too. I am/was on 5 different antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, Lortab, Ambien, Phenergan, Baclofen, and Trileptal- all for pain and nausea. What would we do without modern medicines?? Especially for my babies and all their sicknesses!!
Sunday was kind of a rough day though. I didn't know TJ had already changed all the clocks for day light savings and showed up to church an hour early (TJ had early morning meetings). But one good thing that happened was when Ty dumped half a box of cheerios upside down, he said, "Uh-oh!"" That's BIG progress for us!!
Another cool thing that happened- I was feeling awful the minute before my lesson and the exact minute after but during the entire lesson, I felt great! I was too surprised because I know Heavenly Father helps those who are trying to fulfill their callings and it's so nice to rely on Him when you really need it. I work every Sunday in March so I felt I had/wanted to teach since I'd be gone all the rest.

Today is the first day that I feel like I can do normal life again, just very, very tired and a little nauseous. This recovery is 10x worse then recovering from having a baby! But PRK recovery is great birth control!! While I was up in bed, I was looking at a friends' blog who just had twin girls (#5 and #6- whoa!!!) and any twinge of longing for a sweet baby girl or baby at well went out the window that first day, mostly because of the nausea.... and won't come back for a while- hahaha!!

Thanks to everyone who has been helping us- much appreciated!!

Update on Baby Bauer

I know many of you are wondering about this little cutie boy, Bauer!

For updates go to:
(TJ designed the website on this one- good job, teej!)

Thursday, March 8, 2012


So many of you know that I switched departments at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center and am now in the ER! I absolutely LOVE it and am surprised at how much I really do and what a good change this has been for me. It's been a HUGE change than what I was used to, more than I anticipated. I started the first of the year, have completed the 7 weeks of orientation and training and now officially am on my own! I have to admit, I was pretty nervous but things have gone so well and I really enjoy the people I work with and all the skills I've learned. It's soooo busy- busier than I was on the floor, which I didn't think was possible- but I've learned better time management and cognitive and critical thinking, which is awesome. I really feel this will be a huge asset to my nursing career, overall, and I seen some CRAZY things!!!! It's been fun to work with pediatrics too, even though I don't enjoy the part of them being sick or hurt. :(
I work some pretty crazy hours- days, nights, swings- but I enjoy it since I feel like I am gone from my kids sooo much less and they hardly know I'm gone when they are sleeping. It's just makes for one tired momma the next day (especially when I work 1700-0500) but I can deal with that.
And I can deal with that mostly....... because......
I am now officially PART TIME!!!!!!!! I love it! 24 hours a week seems like nothing at all and it'll supplement our income until (hopefully) TJ gets a promotion (soon) and then by next January I can go PRN (which means 4 shifts every 6 weeks). Oh yeah!!! I'm also able to still carry our health insurance too at only part time which helps immensely.
The biggest impact this change in jobs has been on me is that I did one rotation at Primary Children's Medical Center back in February. The nurse I was working with was the trauma nurse for the night. We had a trauma come in, a little 2 year old that was involved in a car accident where mom and 10 month old baby brother were in also. Needless to say, this definitely hit home for me. A dump truck broadsided them when they were out driving. :( The poor dad was just in shock, going back and forth between the 3. Broke my heart to see it.
Baby was stable and mom was rushed into surgery but this little 2 year old was what they call a "code blue," which is never a good thing. After working on her for about an hour, getting a pulse several times but losing it after a few minutes each time, they finally called it when they couldn't control the bleeding and we were the ones who (eventually- after family had many hours alone with her) cleaned up her little body, dressed her and took her to the morgue. Not to be gruesome at all but just to show what big of impact this had on me, her car seat and her sweet little body was covered in brain matter and blood. Obviously, her head hit the side of the car, the same side the dump truck hit.
I bawled the entire ride home and I don't think I will ever forget the image of her lying there with her tiny eyes closed and the tip of her tongue visible, barely poking out next to the ET tube and all the other lines and cords. She was tall for her age, just like my little Ty. This was sad enough for anyone, of course, but it particularly hit me hard because that exact day I had been extremely frustrated with my own (almost) 2 year old for being so active, so busy, for not talking and telling me what he wants, for making huge messes, for not sitting still and playing quitely with his toys by himself, etc. On that car ride home after this incident, I recommitted myself to being a more patient, loving mom and to take the time to enjoy my babies. Not only are they not babies for very long but you also have no idea of Heavenly Father's timing for them in this life and how long you get to physically hold them and enjoy them each day. I am so grateful that no matter what does happen in this life, these babies will be ours for forever and that knowledge alone is so comforting and reassuring.
Didn't mean to end on such a sad note.... life really is good!! We are so blessed!!! :)